


Indulgence

by mrhiddles



Series: Tumblr Fic Prompts [8]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Depression, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Farmer Thor, Fisting, M/M, Prompt Fill, Public Hand Jobs, Sibling Incest, Social Anxiety, emotionally deep fisting though, loki has:, noise anxiety, some:, this is all:
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 08:45:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrhiddles/pseuds/mrhiddles
Summary: Prompt: Farmer Thor and Loki who comes to stay with him after having a nervous breakdown.-Thor’s phone buzzes in his pocket again and he tries not to think about it. Doesn’t think about anything but pine trees and dead wood and split trunks and the massive vibrato of his trusty chainsaw, even when he sees his brother’s shadow in the window. Bent in a sad way, forlorn, like his brother usually was. Pine trees.He’ll bring it down soon.





	Indulgence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [The_Iron_Dragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Iron_Dragon/gifts).



> For Cuppy~

His brother texts him, “Open the door,” at two in the afternoon. It’s happened again.  
  
Thor drops the fistful of dirt he holds back to the earth it came from and brushes his hands off on his jean covered thighs, thinking. Can’t stop thinking. It’s been four months, he thinks. No, five. Not since the funeral.  
  
He takes a slow breath in, makes it deep as can be. Makes sure his lungs burn with it. Then he turns on his heel to head to the front door.  
  
A pine leans dangerously close to the east fence he put up two years ago. If it falls it’ll block the dirt path he drives each morning to feed and water the cattle. His favorite, an old girl named Sadie, rubs her side on her favorite rough hewn log jutting up out of the grass, her preferred scratching post. It leans with her weight, he can spy the way it gives beneath her all the way in the garden. The pine’s long narrow shadow drags dangerous over her, the fields, tipping over into the entry to the barn. He spits as he walks. Tries to think on where he put his chainsaw. The ramshackle shed, the upper floor of the barn, the bed of the old Ford sitting dusty in the garage, maybe.  
  
Squinting, he eyes the tall tree. It could spin, maybe. Tilt with the wind to crash over his vegetable garden, barely sprouting as it is. It’s half planted. A pine that big could ruin the whole operation, he knows. Can’t let that happen. Has to cut it down quick. Fall hazard. Fire hazard. Impending danger to his garden, his roof, his favorite cow kind of hazard.  
  
Thor’s phone buzzes in his pocket again and he tries not to think about it. Doesn’t think about anything but pine trees and dead wood and split trunks and the massive vibrato of his trusty chainsaw, even when he sees his brother’s shadow in the window. Bent in a sad way, forlorn, like his brother usually was. Pine trees.  
  
He’ll bring it down soon.  
  
—  
  
Loki is thinner than when he last saw him. And he looks tired. His hair is shorter, cropped at the neck rather than the shoulders, and Thor is reminded of years before. Their school years. The year Thor asked his brother to cut his hair, meaning a trim, and ended up with a crew cut instead. Loki cackled in delight.  
  
Thor wraps his arms around his brother’s shaking shoulders. He’s cold to the touch and so Thor holds tighter. Loki sighs, leaning into the embrace. Even returns it with shaking hands. When Thor pulls back he accidentally knocks his headphones half off his head, makes Loki shrink in on himself.  
  
Thor rights his mistake and smiles, already teary eyed.  
  
“You’re staying.” It’s not a question. Not a demand. But Thor still feels like he’s begging even after everything.  
  
Loki nods, seeming distracted. Falls forward again and lets Thor hold him.  
  
—  
  
“I quit my job,” Loki tells him on a whisper as he’s cooking. “Left the key at the flat.”  
  
Thor pushes the chicken the rest of the way in the oven before hip-checking it closed. He leans back against the counter and reaches out to touch gentle fingertips to his brother’s hand. Loki watches where they connect, pinpricks of pale flesh dragging in the late afternoon light spilling inside the paneled window.  
  
“Don’t worry about that,” Thor says to him. “I got you now.”  
  
Loki turns his palm up and Thor takes his hand.  
  
“How are you right now?”  
  
Loki barely shakes his head. “Still shaky. Haven’t slept in days. I can’t go back, Thor. I can’t—”  
  
He squeezes his brother’s hand hard. Loki goes quiet, his half lost whispers gone away to silence. He blinks up at the ceiling and breathes out, like Thor’s seen him do so many times before.  
  
“I got you now,” Thor tells him again.  
  
—  
  
Thor watches Loki eat three bites, like a bird, and washes up without hardly eating himself. As he does, Loki stands beside him, peering out into the hazy summer fields. Watches the cows trod lazily over meandering paths, cutting through grass waist high and itchy for the time of year. The landscape bleeds yellow, orange at the edges, a dark blue seeping heavy and menacing the closer night crawls. Loki’s eyes latch onto the leaning pine and Thor wonders if he’ll help him take it down.  
  
Loki doesn’t shower, just pisses with the door open, washes his hands, and then shucks off his shirt and jeans to come lie under Thor’s thick patchwork comforter in his briefs. His eyes are closed by the time Thor finally manages his way beneath the covers. His headphones are on the nightstand beside the bed.  
  
He thinks Loki’s already asleep until he settles. Then Loki turns to him, presses his lips soft and gentle at the top of his shoulder. An arm finds its way across Thor’s chest and he feels two bony knees slide alongside his thighs, drawn up.  
  
Thor smiles, giddy and small and hidden in the dark.  
  
—  
  
Happiness for brothers from their sort of family was largely private. Excelled at something, celebrate quietly. Crossed a milestone, calmly relay it over dinner. Or in their case as kids, whisper it back and forth to one another under too hot covers when they both had their first kisses, first loves, first heartbreaks. A secret to share under the most dire circumstances, stolen whispers in the middle of the night because it was too risky during the day. Indulgence, their father would scoff, fingers already on his belt.  
  
Celebration in all its forms was a stunted affair in their home. Their parents never allowed for anything buoyant of any kind, not even a life vest. Thor learned to swim by a lot of spluttering and choking. Then he taught Loki so his brother wouldn’t have to endure the same. No birthday parties either.  
  
He supposes now it’s sort of the same thing, but he’s trying to be better. Do better. There are still days he weighs the ratio of his joy against his sadness. The weight of the world may have hung heavier on Loki all their lives, but maybe Thor was just better at hiding it. Years of Odin drawing up tallies against napkins, scratch paper, walls with chalk for how much his sons had always found an inevitable new way to fail him. For years sadness outweighed joy. Thor’s gotten better about forgoing those tallies, those ratios. But sometimes he slips. Sometimes.  
  
He can tell Loki’s had a harder time than him, like always.  
  
But now, in the dark, it’s easy to promise to silence that he’ll never let Loki be alone again. Another thing entirely to tell him in the light, with those two bright green eyes open and staring back at him. Easier to nod and hum than voice anything of meaning one way or another, because they never had to unless they truly _needed_ to. Thor feels like he’s on the edge of a dark, plunging cliff and he wants to be off it. This is too important to mess up.  
  
Thor stares at the headphones on the nightstand and strokes his brother’s hair.  
  
—  
  
Thor wakes up to Loki shifting beside him. A leg is thrown over his own, slow and careful. The arm that was across his chest is slung low around his waist, fingers dragging in a tickle inch by inch until they stop at the very edge of his underwear. The brave tip of his pinky pushes under, hooking him like a fish and Thor can’t keep his fingers from tensing. A rush of breath and then his brother settles again.  
  
“Remember when I didn’t talk for a year after you saw me in high school? With…”  
  
Loki’s voice is clear and strong and tells Thor he’s been awake for a while. And that he won’t let Thor pretend to sleep.  
  
Thor had walked in on Loki pressing some guy a year above them against a wall. A lot of tongue and teeth and decidedly messy in a way only teenagers knew how to be. Thor only managed to drag himself away after he watched the other guys hands slide down to grab Loki’s ass and haul the two of them closer to each other. If Odin had known…He still remembers Loki coming to him that night, angry and crying and making Thor swear he’d never tell. How could he? He loved his brother. He loves his brother.  
  
Now, all he remembers is feeling hurt.  
  
“It was a long time ago.”  
  
“Still. Sorry,” is all Loki says.  
  
—  
  
Loki helps him with the tree two days later. He trades his headphones for a pair of safety muffs. Thor finds the chainsaw in the garage and they tromp out in thick wool coats buttoned up their throats to combat the early morning chill. That sweet spot between spring and summer, too cold in the mornings and too hot in the afternoons.  
  
Thor sees his cattle off a safe distance in the grass, watching with curious shining eyes what was about to happen. Considers putting them in the barn but it would take too long, and they’re far enough off to do the job quick enough.  
  
Loki carries the pole saw and gets the lowest and the highest branches he can reach. Thor only manages to get two higher. Then Thor starts on the trunk, cutting wedges out so it’ll fall right where he wants it to. And it does. Misses the fence. Lands in the road.  
  
They spend most of the early afternoon clearing it away, but the horizon is clear and Sadie wanders up after a while, snuffing into Loki’s palm, butting her nose into his pockets. He laughs. An old friend.  
  
—  
  
After they drop the saws back in the shed, where they should have been, as Loki so aptly reminds him, Thor’s the one who goes to him.  
  
Loki’s nose is red with the cold, but his cheeks only flush when Thor touches his neck, grasping him close and solid and moving into his space. Maneuvers them until Loki is pressed against the wall of the shed, breathing fast, hands flying to grab at Thor’s shoulders. Thor just holds him, quietly gasps in little breaths because he doesn’t really know what he’s doing.  
  
“I should have stayed, after last time,” Loki murmurs. His breath ghosts hot over Thor’s neck. “Should have stayed here. With you.”  
  
Thor thumbs his cheek, pushes the muffs from his ears, letting them fall with a clatter to the cement floor.  
  
“You will now.”  
  
Loki nods, letting his head fall forward.  
  
“I will.”  
  
Thor smiles. His ratio is tilting for the better.  
  
“You scared still?” he asks.  
  
Loki meets his eyes. He’s remembering last time same as Thor is. “Yeah.”  
  
“So am I,” Thor says and kisses him.  
  
—  
  
Loki takes up gardening. Thor thinks he enjoys it. Thinks it brings some measure of peace he’s not had in a long time, centered on the simple task of focus. Just something to focus on, take his mind off whatever happened in the city to drive him to Thor’s front step in the first place. Panic, fright, dread, didn’t matter. He’ll make sure it won’t happen again anytime soon, and if it does, when it does…at least Thor will be here. A task should keep his mind clear for a long while, yet.  
  
But Loki is good at gardening too. It’s almost effortless how he manages to coax new seeds into small sprouts, budding vegetables. The first morning he finds the new green bulbs of almost-strawberries he shouts. Finds Thor at a funny half jog and throws his arms around Thor’s shoulders, kissing him. Tells him all about it.  
  
—  
  
They go to the only diner in town after ten at night because the day’s work ran late. Small, cautious touches shared on the couch ran even later, and their dinner burned on the stove. They only notice when smoke wafts into view.  
  
“You really need a new smoke alarm,” Loki tells him, breathless. His legs squeeze where they’re spread wide for Thor to lie between. He’s hard beneath him, but Thor ignores it. Ignores himself, even as he rises and Loki’s eyes dip down to the evidence. They’re not quite there yet.  
  
“Give it a minute.”  
  
Loki narrows his eyes and waits. The alarm goes off thirty seconds later, loud and blaring and he laughs.  
  
“Dinner out?” Thor asks.  
  
An hour later here they were, sitting beside one another at a loop around booth in the corner of the run down little diner Thor’s gone to since he bought the land for his farm. Had dinner here the first night when he still lived out of the motel across the street because the farm, his house, was only starting to be built.  
  
Loki’s mouth turns up into a knowing smile, sips his milkshake. They wait for their midnight breakfasts to tumble out hot from the teeming kitchen, bustling loud with clinking dishware. The place has only three others eating at this time of night. Truck drivers and the local market manager. Going through a divorce, Thor remembers finding out during an awkward grocery run.  
  
Loki slides closer. Does it again until their legs are touching. Thor can feel the heat of him, the shift in the air between them. Loki adjusts the straw of his milkshake in his mouth, his other hand planting itself right on the crotch of Thor’s jeans.  
  
Thor waits, heart beating too fast beneath his ribs.  
  
Loki’s deft fingers shift, rub, start massaging him through his jeans. Thor swallows down some water in an effort to mask whatever flush he’s sure is rising to his heated face.  
  
Then Loki pops his button, zips his fly down and then his fingers are pulling swiftly until he’s reached coarse hair. Thor lets one arm slide down between them, gripping Loki’s elbow.  
  
“No one’s watching us,” Loki whispers. Sips his milkshake.  
  
He’s not wrong.  
  
Thor lets him go. Shifts so he can give Loki some room to do whatever it is he thinks he’s doing.  
  
Loki wraps his hand around him, and the flesh of his palm is scorching. Thor fights not to make a sound as Loki draws the length of him out into the air, hidden beneath the table. Thor fights harder not to buck into his brother’s hand as he starts stroking him.  
  
“Loki,” he warns, voice low. “What’re you doing?”  
  
Loki doesn’t look at him. “I’ve been thinking about your hands, lately. How rough they’ve come to be. Didn’t used to be like that.”  
  
“Farm l-life,” Thor barely manages to get out.  
  
The hand around his cock is hot and fast and Thor could spill if it wasn’t for where they were. He wants to take Loki home. Wants to take his brother apart. They’ve never gotten this far.  
  
“You’re reckless like you used to be.”  
  
“You love it though.”  
  
Thor laughs breathlessly at that.  
  
“That I do.”  
  
Loki works him until he feels he might come undone, like he was twenty years younger and every touch was a new touch—but all that happens is Loki hums, says, “When we get back, then,” and places Thor safely back in his underwear.  
  
Thor quickly zips himself back up and runs both hands through his hair, tucking behind his ears. Loki grins over at him, unashamed, unembarrassed. Happy.  
  
Their orders arrive and Loki eats slower than Thor.  
  
“When we get back,” Thor agrees, much later.  
  
Loki nudges a knee into his.  
  
—  
  
Back home, Loki doesn’t let him turn the lights on. They fall into each other, kissing and eager with Loki’s hands running over his chest, his sides, his ass. Loki’s the first one to shed Thor’s clothes, shrugging them off in hard pulls and twists. Thor hooks his thumbs into the belt loops of his brother’s jeans and pulls them down, underwear and all, until he can grab Loki’s ass. His bare skin is cool to the touch. Loki keens and they don’t make it far.  
  
Thor pushes two spit slick fingers inside his brother where he lies on the floor, legs hitched up high and fingers digging hard into his shoulders. He rolls his hips, mouth falling open. Little gasps and moans spilling out of him.  
  
“More,” he whispers.  
  
Thor adds another, knows it must hurt. But Loki just pushes back farther and farther until Thor has four fingers in him, and it’s been hours they’ve been at it. Loki’s already come twice. And still he asks for more. Thor wonders just how much more he means, he wants. How much is possible?  
  
He pleads his brother’s name against the column of his pale throat and Loki nods, languid and sweating. Loki pushes Thor back and up to look at him properly. Snakes a hand between them to grip Thor’s aching cock in sure fingers and Thor gets the picture. He lines himself up and after hours of attention, Loki takes him in easy. Clings and sobs _yes_ and Thor thinks the wet on his cheeks isn’t just from pressing his face alongside his brother’s.  
  
—  
  
They go to a drive in at the community center the next weekend. Movie night. Alien marathon, all week long. They bought tickets to the first one.  
  
“Romantic,” Loki singsongs over to him and Thor smiles, knowing Loki’s come a long way since that first day he showed up. Knows his brother wears his headphones less and less, more open to listening to the world around him than muting it. It’s a good day.  
  
Loki yawns thirty minutes in, leans his head on Thor’s shoulder. Thor wraps an arm around him, content.  
  
Thirty more minutes and Loki’s bent over his lap, head bobbing up and down, taking Thor down so far Thor can feel the back of his brother’s throat. He comes with a hand tight in dark hair and Loki doesn’t pull off until he’s completely spent.  
  
“Hell, Loki.”  
  
Loki presses an easy kiss to the base of his throat and they finish the movie.  
  
—  
  
Thor returns the favor at home. Slicks a fingers inside him at the same time until Loki is driving hard into his mouth, lost in it. Loki again asks for more.  
  
“How much more?” he asks, wondering.  
  
“All of you,” his brother says. It means more in the moment than Thor probably thinks he wants it to. Then, “Your fist.”  
  
Thor can’t help but laugh. “I’ll rip you in two, what are you talking about?”  
  
But Loki’s serious.  
  
So Thor tries.  
  
They try until their new bottle of lube is used up and Loki is sobbing out moans, four fingers deep inside him. He gets a leg cramp and they have to stop and Thor can tell he’s angry at himself.  
  
“Shh,” he comforts. “We’ll try again.”  
  
Loki sniffs and sighs and has Thor help him into the shower, his legs are shaking so bad. Thor has Loki use his own hips as handles to keep upright while he washes his brother’s hair.  
  
—  
  
They try again. It doesn’t work. Loki is pissed with both of them now, and he spends the rest of the day in the fields, following after the cattle as they graze.  
  
—  
  
Loki climbs on top of him when they lie down for bed. Rides Thor until his thighs shake and tense and Thor catches a spray of come on his waiting tongue.  
  
“Good aim,” Thor praises as he licks his lips and Loki collapses forward, laughing. Turns into moans as Thor continues rolling his hips up, all tight heat and fluttering fingers against his throat.  
  
—  
  
Loki spends two days straight outside, only coming in to sleep on the couch. Thor brings him his food, wordless. Loki wears his headphones and doesn’t look at him, but the used dishes are always neatly stacked again when Thor goes to collect them.  
  
Thor goes to the next town over on the third day Loki decides to stay outside and comes back with one bag of everything he thinks they’ll need.  
  
Loki is on the couch reading when he comes back. It’s a shock, but Loki just looks up at him and Thor spies some manner of apology in his face. Loki holds a hand out and Thor hands him the bag instead.  
  
Confused, Loki pulls his headphones off. “What’s all this?” He looks inside and Thor watches both eyebrows shoot up. Some new towels and plenty of lube.  
  
“Follow me and find out.”  
  
Loki wastes no time in swinging his long legs to the floor and rising to follow Thor into their bedroom.  
  
“Undress,” Thor tells him.  
  
Loki raises an eyebrow but does as asked.  
  
His frame has filled out a little since he’s been home. Since Thor’s been feeding him three meals a day. There’s no more hollows around his eyes. No more knobby knees. His ass fills out his jeans and Thor’s mouth water as his brother turns, thanking his daily supply of fresh chickens.  
  
“Lie down.”  
  
Loki does, crossing his hands over his stomach. It’s chilly, but his cock lies already half-hard between his legs.  
  
“You’re gorgeous, brother,” Thor tells him, starting to undress himself.  
  
Loki swallows, looks away.  
  
“Why did you come back?”  
  
“I wanted to come home,” Loki says, easy. Thor feels full. “I wanted to be with you.”  
  
“I was so happy I hadn’t scared you away,” Thor says, knees coming to rest on the mattress. “After what I did.”  
  
“You kissed me. It was just a surprise, is all. I needed to think.”  
  
Thor falls beside his brother, hand coming to trail along his cheek, down his neck. He rests his palm over Loki’s heart and can feel it beat steady and even.  
  
“Happy we shared the same secret, is all,” Thor corrects him.  
  
Loki nods, hand coming up to cover Thor’s.  
  
“It was hard being alone after the funeral. Hard not having you with me. When you moved I thought I’d lost you forever,” Loki tells him and Thor shakes his head, no. Kisses him. “Couldn’t stand another second without you around me. Even if it meant something bad to everyone else.”  
  
“Everyone else doesn’t matter.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Thor takes a deep breath and holds Loki close to him. Loki turns and Thor can feel him hard against his thigh. He’s in a similar state.  
  
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Thor says.  
  
“You can’t. You won’t.” Loki nuzzles his face closer, lips a warm press against his cheek. “I want you. All of you. Want as much of you as possible. In me, around me, everywhere. I can’t…it’s hard to explain. I want you to break me as much as I want you to hold me. Smother me and care for me. It’s unexplainable. It’s fucking weird.”  
  
“Not weird, brother,” Thor tells him. “You’re perfect.”  
  
Loki sighs.  
  
Thor jostles him playfully. “I got enough lube to last us a month.”  
  
“I saw. So hot,” Loki says, laughter bubbling out of him. “I wish I could explain why I want it…why I need this.”  
  
“There doesn’t have to be a reason.”  
  
“But there is,” Loki says.  
  
Thor angles Loki’s face to meet his, kisses him deep and sure. “I know.”  
  
He rolls them until Loki’s on his back. Loki’s the one to thumb open the first tube, squirting enough into Thor’s hand to drip. He shrugs, amused by himself.  
  
Thor spends an hour opening him up. They move together until they’re drenched in sweat, legs and hands tacky with lube. And still Thor keeps on him, tired fingers be damned. They get to three, then four quicker than they used to, but something about his brother is different. He sets his brow and when he kisses it’s desperate. Like he’s running out of time.  
  
Thor shushes him, slows him down. Drags each kiss, every touch out into something slow and deliberate.  
  
He holds Loki tight, feeling his hands scratch hard down his back as Thor goes for the fifth. It’s hard, it’s too hard. It’s painful, he can tell from the way Loki squeezes his eyes shut.  
  
“Please,” he whispers, harsh. “Please, Thor, _please_ —”  
  
It’s a rush, how it happens. Loki cries out in relief, tears leaking fast down his cheeks as he jerks his hips forward, down, back and forth onto Thor’s arm. And Thor buries his face in Loki’s neck, can’t think of anything to say except encouragements and praises, and _god, Loki you’re so beautiful, you’re everything, I got you, I got you, I have you_ —  
  
  
  
  
Loki comes back to him with a sigh, sounding sated. Thor laves at his neck, simple and lazy, tasting the salt off his brother’s sweat slick skin. Loki palms tiredly at his shoulders, his hair.  
  
“Feeling good?”  
  
“Perfect,” Loki sighs.  
  
“You did so well,” Thor whispers to him. Loki weakly turns his head and beams.  
  
“Thank you,” he says and Thor thinks he means what they just did for a moment. But then, he goes on. “For letting me come home.”  
  
Thor nods, nods again, can’t stop even as Loki shifts to lie on top of him, thumbs wiping the corners of his eyes. Loki slides back until he’s sinking down, and Thor gasps, grips Loki’s hips hard enough to bruise. Loki doesn’t let him look away. And so Thor doesn’t, he can’t. Can’t do much besides offer his brother a watery grin for how much he loves him, take in how spent and happy Loki looks perched where he is, rolling his hips slow.  
  
“I love you,” Thor tells him.  
  
His brother’s eyes light up like they used to at sixteen and Thor feels the last fifteen years melt away into nothing, some infinitesimal little bead to flick away. Doesn’t matter anymore, what was.  
  
Only what is, what’s now, what’s next.


End file.
